good/evening&good/night

oh nancy

2008-08-27T15:58:00.000-07:00

i officially declare that i believe our (well, she's not my speaker) Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, to be profoundly stupid. profoundly profoundly stupid.

Speaker Pelosi's Unnatural Gaffe

By INVESTOR'S BUSINESS DAILY Posted Tuesday, August 26, 2008 4:20 PM PT
Energy Policy: The speaker of the House touts natural gas as an "alternative fuel like wind." Could it be that this time she's put her money where her mouth is?

Somewhere in the universe there may be a planet where natural gas is considered an alternative form of energy, but on this one it's still considered a fossil fuel.
Yes, it's clean-burning — "the cleanest of all fossil fuels," as the Natural Gas Supply Organization puts it. But it's still a fossil fuel formed deep within the earth, like its coal and petroleum cousins, by extreme pressure and heat.
Speaker Pelosi, who has taken a lot of heat and pressure herself for leading this "drill nothing" Congress, talked on Sunday's "Meet The Press" about an energy policy as incoherent as that of her party's presidential candidate, Barack Obama.
"I believe in natural gas as a clean, cheap alternative to fossil fuels," she said at one point. Natural gas "is cheap, abundant and clean compared to fossil fuels," she said at another.
She may be forgiven for her confusion. It's hard to be Speaker, dictate U.S. energy policy and manage your energy investments all at the same time.
Moderator Tom Brokaw asked about her investments in "clean" energies such as wind and natural gas as she tries to block the development of additional resources of competing energy such as petroleum. She said she and her husband have between $50,000 and $100,000 invested in T. Boone Pickens' Clean Energy Fuels.
"But, that is — that is the marketplace," she replied, explaining that the market is so big her meager investment was trivial and irrelevant. "That's not the point," she said. "I'm investing in something I believe in." Oh. And here we thought investments were made on the expectation of profit.
The fact is, as syndicated columnist Michelle Malkin reports, the Speaker's 2007 financial disclosure form Schedule III lists "Assets and Unearned Income" of between $101,000 and $250,000 from Clean Energy Fuels Corp. (CLNE) Public Common Stock. All on the expectation of, uh, windfall profits?
Federal lands, according to the American Petroleum Institute, hold 651 trillion cubic feet of natural gas, enough to fuel 60 million households for 160 years. Some 420 trillion cubic feet of natural gas, according to the U.S. Minerals Management Service, can be found in the Outer Continental Shelf.
According to a new report by Navigant Consulting, there could be as much as 842 trillion cubic feet of retrievable natural gas in shale formations around the country, formations estimated to contain as much as two trillion barrels of crude — seven times Saudi Arabia's known reserves.
Domestic natural gas production was up 8.8% the first five months of this year compared with last. Most of the gain came from shale, particularly the Barnett Shale formation near Fort Worth, Texas.
Barnett is the first shale field to be developed, and gas production has increased 10 times since 2001. This field now accounts for 7% of domestic natural gas production, and there's much more to be had — if Pelosi and friends allow it.
So why is Pelosi blocking the opening up of these areas? Isn't it a tad schizophrenic to block exploration for an energy source you tout at the same time?
The answer may be that oil and natural gas are usually found in the same place at the same time. Such was the case at Prudhoe Bay, just 60 miles west of the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, where Pelosi and her Democratic friends block drilling for either.
It's worth noting that in Colorado, home to the Democratic National Party Convention, producing natural gas is big business. In 2006, more than $7 billion worth was produced from over 20,000 wells with nary a windmill in sight.
We're not against true alternative forms of energy. We're all for American forms of energy and believe we should produce as much as we can everywhere we can in all forms. Then all the American people, and not just Nancy Pelosi, can profit.

ha. i digress..

also, i'm pretty sure she's either an alien or over-botoxed... or both?

tall enough to touch the sky?

2008-08-21T21:15:00.000-07:00

a spiritual awakening is what?

a dream? an escape from physical life and into the blissful realm of a perfect world within an imperfect world, humanistically speaking.

participating in events that spark the dead youth in the pits of your heart and soul? Or a re-awakening of your heart as a whole?

relentlessly pursuing a vivid dream of immortality inspired by everything that birthed mortality.

a dream that represents everything contradictory about human existence. I am the earthworm, wriggling across the hot summer pavement... and it is at that moment amongst the confusion of uncertainty

pain

loneliness

blindness

fatigue

that we realize...

the only security we have in the most insecure world is that love will save my life and my physical death will not be death, it will be my birth...

yet another

2008-08-21T17:22:00.000-07:00

i know that my vast array of avid blog readers that check my blog every two seconds are extremely disappointed. but avast, i am a slacker by nature. God made me that way... so there.

life has been good. ups and downs, but goiod. life has changed, some for the better and some for worse, but regardless, i am changing and creating and living life for him. i have had a rough month though. that change for the better change for the worse part of life, what if you cant tell whether or not that change is better or worse? like a dream that you cant be startled out of... what then?
eh.. (i use ellipsis' alot, i know) i 'll figure it out.

"catch for us the foxes"

choking on this, choking on that...

2008-05-04T23:20:00.000-07:00

Gosh.
I have had rough points in my life, and i am deffinitely having one right now.
I really try and learn from these rough spots, but it's so difficult to look outside of yourself and see the big picture. It's even more difficult to not let your circumstances overtake you...

I can only try and learn, i'll do my best.

The other night a thunderstorm rolled into lawrence, So I went to the clinton lake dam, which sits atop the hills surrounding our fair city. From this glorious point i marveled at the might of gods work. All i could think while i saw the lightning being birthed from the swirling clouds, striking the ground, and retracting back into the safety of the black was, good job jesus. simple, significant, good job jesus.

catharsis for my love

2008-04-30T20:11:00.000-07:00

Oh my father.
I am null…
A friend
A family
A brother
Fantasy
Despised
Cast away
Null
Seamless
Lost
Afraid
Found
Brave
Progressive
Lovely
Beautiful
Meaningless
Meaningful
Angry
Joyful
Loved…

Catharsis for my loved ones, catharsis for my enemies.
Oh my love. What beautiful love.

you're wrapped around my ankles. stomach in knots, purged of emotion, coffee and blood clots.

2008-04-21T21:02:00.000-07:00

My mind is in a constant state of turmoil and I feel as though I am stuck in a perpetual state of uncertainty and disillusionment.

I have this funny feeling, this nagging sensation in the back of my mind. It's this weird feeling that I want to not want material objects, so I can be unattached to this world, and in a strong sense, free.

I have felt this aching in my heart for the last couple weeks when I awoke, and I just recently pinpointed what was causing this. Deep down in my soul, I fear the very notion of uncertainty, which is not a good thing to be afraid of when the world we live in is completely irrational, unstable, and thus uncertain. I try to correct these things that I consider “flaws” in my character, but I just create more uncertainty.

I need to embrace life; I need to accept what I cannot change. When my grandma died, my family uncovered a large amount of poetry that she had written over the years. One of the poems discussed the act of embracing your circumstances. “Embrace the cancer,” she said.

I live only because of love.

Love others, love yourself, remember that you are special – mind, body, heart, and soul.

Love the uncertainty, because it provides a gateway to my dad and the ways in which he teaches me to live.

I am a scattered mess, but I love being a scattered mess.
I am an emotional person, but I love being able to feel.
I am clumsy and the exact opposite of smooth, but I love that about myself.

null

2007-11-12T21:23:00.000-08:00

It has always been my opinion that often times, the people who seem closest to God are often thepeople who are farthest, and the people who seem farthest are often the closest to who God really is. I genuinely feel bad for people who have not been so sad that it feels like their heart is going to burst. I feel bad for people who have not experienced humanity at its deepest and most miserable moments because it leads you to be completely dependent on God in those moments for everything. After all, once you hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up, and theres only one person who can repair your heart after it has been mangled to the point that you cannot see yourself ever returning to... yourself.

A pastor and I were talking about the condition of the human heart the other day and I decided to ask a kind of random question. I asked him why he though we dont see the kind of miracles that we saw throughout biblical times. My answer to this question was that we do not give our father the opportunity. In America, if we are hungry we go to McDonalds or the grocery store, if we need to go somewhere we jump in our car, if we need clothes we drive to the nearest clothing store. There is no room to let God show us what he can do. I still think that that's part of it, but this pastor had insight that i really didnt think of. He said to me that a the greatest miracle that he has ever seen is how God can completely repair and change the condition of the human heart. People who have such a broken heart but Jesus repairs it and puts this person back together, and in the process, teaches the person to gaurd their heart. It was truly one of the best conversations that i have had in a while. And that's exactly why i feel sorry for people who do not know what it is to be so sad that you see no hope for the future. The people who have been like this have seen God, they have experiened his tender love and know how entirely special it is to be saved by his hand.

In that same discussion with the pastor, we talked about where we see God. Where do we see God? In my opinion, we see him everywhere but we are too distracted by everyday things too pay him any attention. Every time you look at the sunset he has painted a picture for you, kind of like a present. In the winter, the obscure patterns that frost makes on your windshield, like a work of art crafted by the most intricate artist in all the universe. Miles and miles of beautiful shoreline, thunder and lightning, God saying, look how tender and at the same time how powerful i am. He is truly amazing day in and day out.

oh dear

2007-11-05T09:24:00.000-08:00

I actually write alot, and alot, and alot, but i'm generally too timid write on anything except my green notebook that very rarely sees the outside world.

The American Church, i cant help but resent the fact that most "Christians" are falling in love with the way that the church makes them feel about themselves rather than who Jesus really is and will forever be. I find myself constantly dumbfounded by the intentional ignorance of some people (not stupidity, they are two completely different words, look it up). People who are intentionally ill informed so that they can live a comfortable lifestyle, a guilt free and cost free lifestyle. In a sense, it's the age old concept that ignorance is bliss, which I strongly advise against, not that i am any kind of authority to listen to. Dont get me wrong, I love these people, thus is why i am so concerned. If i wasnt concerned in the least bit, i wouldnt be writing what you are reading this very second. I see so much money squandered and wasted on things that dont matter in the long run, in the infinite run we refer to as heaven (i prefer to call it "home"). Can we all maybe live more simply? Can we all give up somthing that could help someone else? Can we all learn the real definition of love and what it is for the first time? And let me declare, I am in no way, shape, or form perfect. I am a mess day in and day out. But i am trying and learning about Jesus and trying to figure out who god really is because i am pretty convinced that he is not just a book keeper sitting on a golden throne putting a check mark by our names every time we mess up. I am convinced that he is like a dad, that he loves me and all of you, that he crys when we cry and laughs when we laugh. I am convinced that he feels our pain and heart break and shares our moments of the most intense happiness. I am convinced that he does not care how we dress or how much money we have in the bank. And lastly, he does not care how many times we mess up or stumble in our faith. God is Love, contemplate that word, because it has been so overused in this society. Overused to the point where love is when you see a girl that you think is gorgeous, you spend one "fantastic" night with her, chemicals start pumping through your brain, and you are in "love." That idea is so distant from the true reality of love, i simply will not attempt to explain. Sometime soon, meditate on the word, discover what love really is and at the same time discover who Jesus really is, and you will not be disappointed.

On a side note, next time you pray, pray to your dad, since that's who it is.

Sorry if this was a bit scatter-brained, I tried as best i could to piece together the thoughts that have been running around in my head for the past few weeks, frankly it was alot to process. Thanks for reading, god bless.